I did find love while on this journey. Love has never really been lost so finding it was all about understanding the nature of love. The Greeks parsed love into different types e.g. Eros, Philia, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia and Agape. But my thinking is that there really is only one energy that we call love and the Greek definitions refer to how we apply that energy within the context of the various relationships that we have. Agape or unconditional love encompasses what all the sages throughout time have been trying to teach us. We must learn to love as little children do. We must learn to love unconditionally.
A theme I keep coming back to in my search for understanding is the quote by Delmar Swartz:
“Love is the most difficult and dangerous form of courage. Courage is the most desperate, admirable and noble kind of love.” ― Last and Lost Poems
The reason love is the most difficult and dangerous form of Courage is because to truly love someone, you must love them unconditionally. This is what my experience has shown me. Love is an energy that we use to shape and form our lives. This energy has no agenda other than to bind us together. The absolute only way to truly love someone is to love them unconditionally. If you put conditions on your love for someone, I would strongly encourage you to reexamine your feelings because that is not love. (disclaimer: if someone becomes abusive - verbally or physically, you must protect yourself but; even if you determine that you can never see this person again, if the love was real then you will continue to love that person from a distance.)
"Courage is the most desperate, admirable and noble kind of love." It takes a lot of courage to love someone unconditionally because there is no guarantee that they will love you back. Rejection is one of the most painful experiences and can have a lasting effect on all of your relationships throughout the rest of your life. If you have been hurt in a relationship, it is critical that you examine the energy that binds you to that person. If it is truly love energy then understand that it flows unconditionally and you cannot stop it from flowing, regardless of what the other person chooses for their life.
So the love that I found is within me. It flows from my heart and without conditions. The experience of the last year has forced me to reexamine all of my past relationships and the energy that binds me to the people that have come into my life. What I have determined is that regardless of where the relationship has progressed to at this point in time, the energy that binds us together is love and nothing within the relationship can sever that energy tie. Once you see the light inside another person, it cannot be unseen. You may separate yourself physically from that person but the energetic connection can never be undone.
If you fall in love with someone, you cannot fall out of love. The energy just doesn't work that way. If we try to block the love energy from flowing through us it often turns into unhealthy behavior that can affect our physical, mental and emotional health. Embracing the unconditional aspect of love is the only way I have found to work through my pain. The prism of unconditional love allows me to acknowledge and embrace my love without going negative. I never have to apologize for loving someone.
This is likely the last post of this blog. I don't believe the subject of love can ever be exhausted but my inspiration to keep writing in this space is not there. This blog was started in heartache and while my heart still aches, I found the courage to allow the love energy to flow through me unconditionally. I have learned to have no expectations from other people and I understand that there are no limits or conditions to my love. I don't know how to be any other way.
Final disclaimer: All of the thoughts captured here were inspired by my experience. None of it is based on research of the experience of others.
